AuDHD

Many women and AFAB who are AuDHD (who have both autism and ADHD) go undiagnosed for years. That’s partly because their traits don’t always match the common stereotypes. The symptoms of AuDHD in women may be concealed by social conditioning, masking, and internalized expectations. Instead of being loud or disruptive, they might be daydreamy, overly helpful, or simply exhausted from trying to keep up. They often adapt, mask, or blend in until burnout, anxiety, or a sense of “something’s off” brings things to the surface. In this post, we’ll take a closer look at what AuDHD can look like in women and why it’s so often overlooked.

I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD on June 18th. I was half expecting the former — it’s the result of several years of very intense soul-searching and contemplating and two years of waiting for a very thorough evaluation. The latter was a complete surprise to me.

When I thought about it before, I thought I would cry about it. I thought I was going to think of it as a big deal. I battled mental illness for my whole life. But this is not “just” an illness anymore, it’s a disability. I would be a disabled person.

This uncomfortable feeling has been fermenting in my head for years, growing in size. For years I have told myself one moment that I was clearly autistic, the next that I clearly couldn’t be, and I freaked out.

Yes, autism and ADHD are a part of my personality, a part of being myself. And thus, there are both good and bad sides to them. But I think that reducing the good parts into one “superpower” (preferably one that can be turned into income), is brutally oversimplifying the matter — and creating a sense of pressure. A sense that you are not good enough. That you are somehow failing in neurodiverging. And as you probably felt that you were failing basic peopleing before that, what’s left? You don’t need that kind of shame.

Ever since I remember, I have always wanted two completely opposite things at the same time — both with equally great passion. To go out with friends and to be alone, to travel and to stay at the places I know, to attend various events, and to stay at home and read. Whatever I decided, there was a part of me that was always unsettled. As an adult, I realized that other people around me aren’t such a mess of contradictory desires. But it was only after watching this video by Yo Samdy Sam that it dawned on me — this is happening to me because the “autistic part” of me and the “ADHD part” always want — or need — completely different things.

There is a Czech blogger that I respect a lot. She survived the death of her husband while pregnant with her third child, and she didn’t let this devastate her — she grew from it. She writes about spirituality, mental health, and an alternate lifestyle. She is an inspiring person. But lately, more and more, I find that my views on life sometimes clash with hers. Lately, she wrote a whole long Facebook post about autism. She wrote that psychiatric diagnoses have surged in recent years, and it seems that everyone has a diagnosis these days. And while understanding and support are crucial, we should question whether every case requires a diagnosis. I did connect to this post, and I really like the last part. I did worry (and I still do) if I’m letting the diagnosis override my identity as a person. But the discussion below bothered me.