The times I didn't die: A woman's face part visible through a curtain of leaves

The Times I Didn’t Die

Mental health, Wandering thoughts

I didn’t die. Maybe I should have.

The doctors said I had stopped growing when my mother was pregnant. They said I would be mentally retarded. My parents were proud, so proud, that I turned out to be gifted instead.

Their first child.

My mum was under great stress when she was expecting me. She and my dad lived with my great-great grandma, and she was bossy. When the mother has anxiety during pregnancy, there is a strong probability that the child will inherit that anxiety as well.

What I remember from regression therapy:
I don’t want to be here. Can I go back?
I want to shrink, to disappear.
I don’t want to have this body.
Oh God, do I have to do this? Let me out, let me out, please.
I don’t want to be here.

AuDHD in Women: A smiling woman stands against a bright yellow background, wearing a yellow shirt with small black dots. She holds two colorful, star-shaped straws—one pink and one yellow—up to her eyes, playfully using them like glasses. Her makeup is vibrant, with yellow eyeshadow and glossy pink lips, and her fingernails are painted white and black. The image has a joyful, playful vibe with a strong sense of color coordination and cheerfulness.

Signs of AuDHD in Women and Girls: A Complete Guide

AuDHD, Neurodivergence

Many women and AFAB who are AuDHD (who have both autism and ADHD) go undiagnosed for years. That’s partly because their traits don’t always match the common stereotypes. The symptoms of AuDHD in women may be concealed by social conditioning, masking, and internalized expectations. Instead of being loud or disruptive, they might be daydreamy, overly helpful, or simply exhausted from trying to keep up. They often adapt, mask, or blend in until burnout, anxiety, or a sense of “something’s off” brings things to the surface. In this post, we’ll take a closer look at what AuDHD can look like in women and why it’s so often overlooked.

ADHD meal planning: a smiling Black woman eating cereal and strawberries from a bowl

ADHD Meal Planning Made Easier: Gentle, Realistic Strategies for Your AuDHD Brain

ADHD, Autism, Neurodivergence

Eating sounds so simple, right? But for us with AuDHD, it can be anything but. ADHD food struggles are real, and they’re more common than you may think. Shopping ingredients, planning meals, deciding what to cook, remembering to eat… This all may seem overwhelming, and you may find it difficult.

It is pretty common to feel guilt or shame around food when you have an AuDHD brain. Maybe you’ve skipped meals without noticing, lived off snacks for days, or cycled between forgetting to eat and bingeing whatever’s available. Maybe you eat too little or too much. For brains wired for unpredictability, consistent nourishment can feel out of reach. It’s not failure; it’s just part of your wiring.

Neurodivergent sleep: A young asian woman in pyjamas, sitting with an eye mask and pilow on the top of her head. SHe looks frustrated.

Neurodivergent Sleep Struggles: Autistic and ADHD Sleep Lifehacks

Neurodivergence, ADHD, AuDHD, Autism

If you’ve ever found yourself staring at the ceiling at 3 a.m., completely exhausted but inexplicably wide awake, you’re not alone—especially if you’re neurodivergent. Sleep problems are incredibly common in neurodivergent communities, with studies showing that up to 80% of autistic people and around 75% of those with ADHD struggle with falling or staying asleep. And if you happen to be both autistic and have ADHD (hi, hello, solidarity!), then you might know all too well what I like to call the “neurodivergent sleep disaster cocktail”—a potent mix of racing thoughts, sensory issues, hyperfocus, and a body that refuses to wind down when it’s supposed to.

ADHD and money: a a smiling woman with a fan of dollar bolls spread in front of her face

Autism, ADHD and Money: How to Easily Manage Your Finances With AuDHD

ADHD, AuDHD, Neurodivergence

ADHD and money? That is a recipe for disaster. ADHD means impulsive financial decisions, rash judgments, and ADHD tax. (Oh, the ADHD tax!) You may feel in over your head when it comes to finances. It’s chaos! There is always too much of the month left at the end of the money! Luckily, you can call on your autistic side to help.

(But first, to my American readers: Being from Europe, I don’t know the first thing about credit, sorry. No advice from me on this front. But I know a thing or two about budgeting, and that’s what we are going to talk about today.)

Now it’s time for your autistic side to shine. Spreadsheets! Planning!

Autistic pride day symbol: a rainbow infinity sign

Getting Diagnosed on Autistic Pride Day Felt Like Coming Home

Neurodivergence, AuDHD

I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD on June 18th. I was half expecting the former — it’s the result of several years of very intense soul-searching and contemplating and two years of waiting for a very thorough evaluation. The latter was a complete surprise to me.

When I thought about it before, I thought I would cry about it. I thought I was going to think of it as a big deal. I battled mental illness for my whole life. But this is not “just” an illness anymore, it’s a disability. I would be a disabled person.

This uncomfortable feeling has been fermenting in my head for years, growing in size. For years I have told myself one moment that I was clearly autistic, the next that I clearly couldn’t be, and I freaked out.

A photo of a young woman with hands bound in chains, representing ADHD and addiction.

ADHD and Addiction—Exploring the Link

ADHD, AuDHD, Neurodivergence

Addiction is an extremely difficult topic for me, and yet, so important to talk about.

People with ADHD are at much higher risk of addiction than the neurotypical population. 50% of adults with ADHD have a history of substance abuse at some point in their lives, compared to 25% of neurotypicals. A whopping half of adults with ADHD have struggled, struggle, or will struggle with substance abuse.

But one thing can help prevent this.

Welcome to the Un-Life

Welcome to the Un-Life

Mental health, Wandering thoughts
2 Comments

A year into protracted withdrawal abstinence syndrome from benzodiazepines.

It has caused anxiety.
It has caused depression.
It has caused great suffering.

But probably the worst is how it has stolen my feelings. All of my good feelings have all but disappeared.
It’s torture.
Day by day in the same greyness.
Day by day in the same emptiness, losing my will to live.
Day by day, every day is the same.

Autistic coping strategies: A woman hugging a pillow with eyes closed

Autistic Coping Strategies: How I’m Preparing for a Stressful Appointment

Autism, Neurodivergence

I’m preparing to change my general practitioner. There is a new doctor’s office that has recently opened right across the street, and the reviews are stellar. My old GP is half an hour away by tram, and the commute is stressful for me, so it would be really, really convenient to have a doctor right where I live. But I’m afraid. I’m scared of new things, and I’m scared of doctors after some bad experiences. My mind is full of second-guessing. What if I change doctors, and then I find the new one is actually horrible, and I can’t go back to my old one? What if the new doctor wants me to go to some grueling examination? What if she is angry with me because I’m not capable of that right now?

A woman staring thoughtfully through a glass. The glass shows her reflection.

Bottom-up Thinking In ADHD and Autistic People: Why You Process the World Differently

Neurodivergence, Autism
1 Comment

Some time ago, I saw a Facebook post that asked about the difference between deductive (top-down) and inductive (bottom-up) thinking. Being the curious person that I am, I Googled it – and my mind was blown. Inductive thinking described all the quirks of my learning and creative process, all the ways in which I felt different without being able to explain why. It turns out that neurodivergent people are naturally bottom-up processors, while neurotypicals are top-down thinkers. OMG, where has this information been all my life?